4th Sunday of Lent
Photo by Marcel Ardivan on Unsplash
In envying other guys for their popularity, looks and physique, the fear of not being liked or loved by someone constantly drove me to seek affirmation in others I meet, everytime in the satisfying of physical needs.
This marked my life of debauchery, where I felt it was all right to have physical intimacy with friends, where exploring sexual compatibility was part of getting to know someone. For many years, I wandered from one relationship to the next, without taking time or making an effort to consider if what I was doing was wrong. I blamed others when the relationship didn’t work out.
After my recent break up of a five year relationship, I heard you, Lord, saying I need to stop hurting others with my infidelity, and start learning what it means to hold on to love – Your way of loving.
During this Lent, I am reminded of the sacrifice You made for me when the priest says “Do this in memory of me”. Not just the act of You being crucified, but the reason – who am I to You, that made You want to give up Your life for me?
You are the Father who is always waiting in the distance, always welcoming me, Your prodigal son back. You reassuringly place Your ever outstretched hands on my shoulders. I am Your beloved son who is now returning home with all my heart, without the fear of feeling less valuable nor less loved by others.
I am now making a choice constantly – to stop comparing myself with other people and learning to admire the gifts You have given me; to discover their purpose, and hoping to become like You, the Father, in loving others faithfully.